Monday, December 22, 2008


When I was sixteen I was shy and rebellious, but mostly I was curious. In my solitary search online and through messageboards, looking for answers of all sorts, I found Him. With slow graceful gestures he pulled me close, feeding me thought provoking words, changing blind rebellion to something more. Opening my mind little by little until he could come and go a he pleased. He introduced me to the world of BDSM, more specifically the D/s section.

I remember the moment I deterred from bitching about how the whole thing was degrading and women were equal to men and all the other average thoughts of the rebellious teenager. He was speaking to me about his slave at the time, he called her a slut and I was terribly appalled! I remember a flurry of key strokes describing to him how disturbing I found that.

"Listen," He said to me, "don't assume that because you have a preconceived idea of the word, that I intend it in a negative way. My sub and I have an understanding, to us it is the equivalent of 'baby' or 'darling' or whatever else."

This had a great impact on me, showing me that these small things could mean totally different things. My thoughts were widened at that moment, racing with all the possibilities that meant, not stopping with pet names.

At some point, maybe a year after I met him, maybe longer or shorter, he started calling me "girl". It became my pet name, and to me, he's always called me it. A handful of times, I remember him using my real name, and how shocking it is to see it written or said by Him. Men have from time to time called me 'girl', and every time it causes me to think of him, and my body stirs. I've been called 'baby' and 'darling' and many other pet names, but none compare to the one given to me by M.

And after six years of knowing him, and through all of the trials and complications, I've surrendered and admitted to myself and to Him, that I am His, heart body and thought. I have, by his desire and permission, wrapped a thin black leather collar around my neck. I am reminded constantly of my adoration for him, my absolute enthrallment.

In March, I finally get to meet Him.

This is the story of us from my point of view, and the wild undercurrents that is M wielding his slave under my average exterior.

No comments:

Post a Comment