Monday, June 6, 2011

I'm Right Here...

So it's been, what, two years since my last update?

who cares, I'm writing this because I can't talk to you, I'm writing this because I have to talk to you and there is no other way without directly contacting you which you've told me not to do. This is my loop hole, this is my sanity, because I feel like I'm going nuts without you and it's not even been 24 hours since last we talked... I feel like you've gone on some trip, or perhaps how military wives might feel when their men get shipped off. Whatever, you are not shipped off but you may as well be.

I've been having fucked up weird dreams, and I'm sure it's my longing and stress getting the better of me. I feel cranky, pissy, sad and short tempered. Sure, this could be PMS, too, but surely it's more to do with you. It's frustrating, having my happiness so easily hung on a person... I know I should be happy with myself, and to an extent I am, I just feel so incomplete... and even these thoughts are torture, even writing this is torture.. and I want to cry and I wish there was an evil witch to cast me to sleep until you come rescue me...

The thing is, I feel like I know you know I suffer so... I think maybe you do, too... and I like to think I'm sitting here, thinking of you, and you're thinking of me... I hope you're waiting for me to post on this blog... I hope you think of it as soon as I have, but I guess I wont know.

I miss you already Sir, I love you.

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