It's three in the morning and I'm half in the bag, alone in my disaster of a room, alone with my disaster of a heart. The chaos moves all through me and I'm wondering how to navigate while spinning. All I want is to be something good, something great, something special. Just one who I deem worthy to think the world of me and I them, seems to always be different times and different people. Maybe some of us are really just not worth the happiness we all look for, maybe I'm looking in the wrong places or maybe I'm shooting too high. It's hard for me to believe, though, I feel I deserve someone great, I think I will be something great. Maybe that is the curse though, thinking yourself too special. I find myself more disappointed than not, anyway. Bored and disappointed. I wish someone awesome would find interest in me.

Too much or not enough, this balance is going to drive me insane.